I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
