I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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