so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i wish my penis had a tongue
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
