she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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