She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
