I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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