we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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