I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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