I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
