I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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