I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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