so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
