so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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