Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
