I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
