i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
