Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
