My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
