yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
