Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
