I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
