My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
