Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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