im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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