i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
