I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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