I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
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