living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
