i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
