No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
