I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
