i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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