I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Everything about him screamed your future.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
