Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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