Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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