I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
