you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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