Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
