woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
