Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
