So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
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ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
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When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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