oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
