Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
