Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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