so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
