just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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