I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
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Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
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I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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