alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
