I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
