'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
