the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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