4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
