Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
