I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
