Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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