Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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