Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
