you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I need mimosas to revive my soul
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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