On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
