Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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