They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
