I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
