barbara walters just said penis...
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
