I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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