You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
