just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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