my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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