drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
