The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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