someone threw a dead crab at me
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
