Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
