giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
