My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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