I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
