Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
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Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
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I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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