as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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