just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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