I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
