u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
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There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
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You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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