I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
we're making bets on your personal life
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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