I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
