PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
