take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
A bitchslap is in order.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
