i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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