How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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