Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
