when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
You left your underwear on the fireplace
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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