I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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