My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
