i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
