On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I pour the whiskey from now on
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
