I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
