I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
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